Rejection and pizza parties (weekly recap)

I started out my week with the rejection of a research paper. I’m trying to reframe rejections like these into positives (a learning experience! a chance to make my paper even better!), but sometimes the thought of hours spent formatting and re-writing for another journal is tough to get excited about.

Exercise-wise, I kept up my usual routine and went to two yoga classes (trying to be mindful about tightening). I also consumed way more sugar than was strictly necessary, and did not keep up with my 12/24 fasting regimen. Back on the bandwagon starting Monday morning.

I tried two new recipes:

Both were relatively simple and low-stress, and they went well together. I cheated and used some of the dressing for the fish as the dressing on the asparagus, and it worked great.

The husband and I went here for pizza on Thursday night, and it was mindblowing. Like, quite possibly the best pizza food I’ve ever tasted. Although, I probably say things like that too frequentlyfor my opinion to be considered reliable. I will say, though, that the crust was gloriously glutinous, pillowy soft, and perfectly salted. Already thinking about next time.

On Saturday night, I joined some friends for dinner at this veggie-forward restaurant. If you’re keeping tabs, then yes, it was my second time there in less than a month, but it’s just that good.

I finished reading two books! Last night, I started On Writing by Stephen King. I aborted my attempt to audiobook How To Do Nothing (it just wasn’t for me), and I’ve just started listening to Memoirs of A Geisha, which I read almost two decades ago and really enjoyed.

Three things I’m thinking about right now:

  • I’m a big fan of all things minty, so I was intrigued to see that researchers in New Zealand had studied whether a menthol mouth rinse (or ‘swilling’ as they called it) improves strength or power performance. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.
  • This BBC article on breathing. ‘Breathe’ has subsequently ousted ‘focus’ as my word of the week.
  • “What’s an un-curated cheese selection?”. This New York Times article explores the of-the-moment buzzword that actually means ‘to take care of’.

Happy International Women’s Day…hope you have a wonderful week!

Evoking emotion in writing

don’t want you to tell me that your character is crying. I want you to make me want to cry.”

I’m currently taking a writing class with a wonderful Canadian author who also happens to be an extremely talented teacher, and I’ve listened to her say some variation of this comment on several different occasions.

No matter what sort of writing we do (emails, fiction, non-fiction, academic), appealing to a reader’s emotion is important, and some would argue that it’s the most crucial part of writing. Take Joss Whedon for example. In a recent episode of the Happier Podcast, co-host Elizabeth (a Hollywood screenwriter) shared some advice that Whedon gave her:

“Emotion and clarity above all else.”

I’ve been thinking about this a lot since I heard it, particularly as I work on the third (fourth?) draft of my novel. It also fits in with this helpful workbook from writer extraordinaire Alex Franzen, which provides tips for deciding what you want your reader to Feel, Know, and Do as the result of your writing (and also helps with clarity).

I like the idea of thinking about the emotion that I want to evoke in my reader every time I sit down to write something, whether it be my novel or a form of science communication.

Any other writers out there place a specific focus on emotion when they’re writing? If so, I’d love to know how you do this.

Running socks (mundane pleasures)

This is my thing where I post every Wednesday about something mundane that has delighted me this week.

Good running socks don’t seem to get much attention. But, as anyone who dabbles in running knows, there’s nothing worse than a bad sock. That one that sneaks down under your heel every few strides. The one that rubs under your arch every. freaking. time. Or the one that you wear twice only to put on and have your toe appear through a hole.

I started to appreciate the simple pleasure of a good sock when started using a wonderful Smartwool version while training for my first (and only) marathon in 2015. I wore them for every single long training run, and for the marathon itself, and they did not disappoint. Unfortunately, I think I got the original pair at Winner’s, and despite aggressive searching, I’ve been unable to find a replica since the socks eventually met their holey demise circa 2017.

However, this story does have a happy ending! A colleague gifted me a pair of these socks in late 2018, and they hit all the boxes. A single pair has taken me through 20km a week with no slippage, no blisters, and no holes.

In fact, I’ve just ordered two new pairs.

Happy Wednesday!

Baking, Barry’s Bootcamp, and books (weekly recap)

I felt like a baking and cooking extraordinaire this week.

I made this ginger sweet potato coconut milk stew with lentils & kale. Verdict: delicious but could use a shorter name.

I made banana bread with Callebaut chocolate chunks. It was a little dry, if you’re wondering.

I made this thai crunch salad with peanut dressing and topped it with this baked sriracha and soy tofu.

I made oatmeal butterscotch cookies from dough that I froze months ago. I then ate six cookies in rapid succession and had to foist the rest on a friend and her boyfriend (my butterscotch-loving husband was out of town).

After gorging myself on the fruits of my labor, I attended a class at the new Barry’s Bootcamp in my city, followed by an enriching and wonderful 1.5 hour Friday morning coffee date with a friend (something I’d typically never make time for before work on a Friday, but I’m very glad I did).

I went to yoga twice, even after telling myself last week that I was only going to go once to avoid spiraling into a ‘tightening’ phenomenon.

I also reviewed my progress on my annual goals for the month of February. Although I made 6 new recipes, I only read 7 research papers in full last month (compared with 17 in January and more than 50 in December). Note that these don’t count articles that I read for a specific purpose (i.e. to write a grant or research manuscript, to prepare a presentation, or to read around a patient). I think this reduction in volume might reflect me getting better about filtering out the articles that probably aren’t going to be beneficial. Although, it might be that I’m getting lazier about reading. I only finished 1 book in February, and my goal was at least 2. I’m heading into March curious about whether my reading habit will pick back up or not.

Three things I’m thinking about at the moment:

Have a wonderful week!

Opt-out events

I went for coffee with a friend on Friday morning, and we talked about her long-running monthly book club, now in its 20th year. Over its two decade existence, the size of the group has sometimes ebbed down to 6-7 attendees and other times swelled up to more than 20. The premise is simple: each month the host sets the book and the date, and whoever can attend (and wants to) does. No need to give a detailed explanation if you can’t go. No need to even read the book if you do go. At it’s core, the club is really just a way to keep a group of friends in contact over the years.

This reminded me of an episode from the Broken Brain Podcast that I listened to recently, in which host Dhru Purohit discusses a weekly event that he started several years ago with a group of friends. While the event’s name (‘Man Morning Thursdays’…eye roll) could probably use a revamp, the idea is similar to my friend’s book club: the group has standing plans every Thursday morning (before work) to go for a hike and talk business. Again, there’s no pressure to attend, but the hike will happen every week for those who want to. Dhru coins this an ‘opt-out event’.

I’ve realized that I’m part of my own ‘opt-out event club’: a group of ten friends who go out for dinner (ideally at a restaurant the majority of the group has never been to before) each month. I used to see many of the members of the group on a weekly basis even without the dinner club, but then people had kids, got busy jobs, and you know how it goes. Now I rarely see most of them outside of the dinners, and probably would have lost touch with several of them years ago if it weren’t for the ‘club’. Our dinners have brought me a great deal of happiness, and I love that it’s low pressure…nobody makes me feel bad if I can’t attend (although I always want to).

I’m thinking that I’d like to start another opt-out group event with a different circle of friends at some point. I’m still not sure what form it will take, but here are some ideas if you’re looking to start your own:

  • A dinner club, pot-luck, Soup Group (seriously, how cool is this?) or casual monthly dinner party
  • A fitness class or hike
  • A book or article club
  • A clothing exchange
  • A cookie exchange or fudge bake
  • A Stitch ‘n’ Bitch or craft club

Happy Leap Day!

Dolmades and my relationship with yoga (weekly recap)

I’ve had a very joyful week. Full disclosure: I might have written this while drinking one of these, which has the ability to make pretty much anything joyful (in my experience, at least).

The good stuff started on Tuesday, technically the first day of the short post-holiday week. We had wine and chocolate at our writer’s group on Tuesday night, which made us feel fancy. I hadn’t had wine in probably close to six months, and it was glorious.

The good eats and drinks continued on through Wednesday. My husband and I go out for dinner with a group of friends once a month, to a restaurant where most of us (ideally all of us) have never been. This week, we went here, and we ate all the vegetables. It was phenomenal, and has been added to my mental list of favourites for veggie-forward food in our city (this restaurant and this restaurant are other winners).

In my Thursday night writing class, one of us is tasked with bringing snacks each week. This week’s snack-bringer brought Dolmades. Are Dolmades the most underrated food ever? Quite possibly. Who knew that dousing grape leaves and rice in lemon juice and oil would produce something so satisfying? Also, the word is fun to say. Definitely bringing Dolmades to the next potluck I attend.

In terms of cooking, I made Poblano Quesadillas with Bacon and Pineapple Jalapeno Salsa from the Half-Baked Harvest Super-Simple cookbook on Monday night. They were tasty, but my husband and I both agreed that we preferred the Poblano and Halloumi Tacos that we made (from the same cookbook) a few weeks ago.

Did I do anything that didn’t revolve around eating and drinking this week?

I did go back to hot yoga for the first time after a six week hiatus. I’ve actually been thinking a lot about my relationship to yoga recently. I was a very casual hot yoga goer for the better part of the last decade, going to a class maybe four or five times a year. I started to go much more frequently in 2018, largely because there is a great studio just a five minute drive from my office. By the end of 2019, I was going at least three times a week. The problem is, as much as I loved it, and as great as the feeling of finishing a class is, it was consuming me. Between getting to the studio early enough to get a spot (preferably with good access to the door so I could sprint to the shower as soon as class ended), to the class itself, to the requisite post-class shower, it was taking a long time. Not to mention the time I’d spend at work deliberating which class to go to, and whether I was going to make it out on time. And the laundry. Oh…the laundry.

So, by December of last year, I was feeling trapped by yoga. I know…said nobody ever. But really, I wanted to go because I knew how energized I’d feel afterwards, but it was starting to feel more like something to check off my list than a true pleasure.

This made me start thinking about something happiness/habits expert Gretchen Rubin has talked about before. Something called ‘tightening’. If you’re not familiar with her Four Tendencies classification scheme (she considers everyone to fit into one of the four following categories based on how they respond to expectations: upholder, obliger, questioner, rebel), then consider checking out this quiz. Like Gretchen, I am an upholder, which means I uphold both external and internal expectations. However, things have the possibility to get sketchy when upholders get too caught up in their internal expectations. In my case, what started out as a lovely once a week yoga class that I really loved turned into needed to be at the studio at least three times a week, and not enjoying it as much. Upholders also tend to do this with food (eating less sugar becomes eating no sugar becomes going ketogenic) and work (a little bit of work on Sunday afternoon becomes working all day Sunday becomes working all weekend)…both of which I have been guilty of.

My six weeks off yoga were actually for medical reasons, but I’m glad I was forced to give it up for a time. While I did miss it, being away wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be, and there were so many days where it was nice not to sit and deliberate about whether or not I should go that day (and not feel guilty when I decided not to). As I navigate my re-entry into the world of yoga, my plan is to only go once a week. That seemed to be a happy medium for me. I’m also going to try to be more cognizant of my tendency to tighten in other aspects of life.

On that note, here’s three things I’m thinking about right now:

  • I read this article by Kate Murphy in the New York Times. She says that we’re actually not very good at listening to the people we know best, which means sometimes we don’t know them as well as we think we do. “Once you know people well enough to feel close, there’s an unconscious tendency to tune them out because you think you already know what they are going to say.” Guilty. Of. This. How can we fix this? More “everyday talk” about joys and struggles and less discussion of logistics.
  • I also enjoyed this new-to-me (but published in 2017) article by Tim Requart about science communication. He argues the importance of appealing to emotion and gaining an audience’s trust rather than just spouting out the cold hard facts. When trying to communicate something, scientists should think about explaining why it matters to them, and why it should matter to their audience. The communication should appeal to values, not just intellect.
  • On a completely unrelated note, I still haven’t seen Parasite and I’m dying to go.

 

Have a wonderful week!

Musings on writing

Any other aspiring fiction writers out there like me?

For the past year, I’ve been writing a novel in earnest. I’ve wanted to write a book for as long as I can remember, and in 2016 I decided to start slowly angling myself towards this goal by taking a writing class. A class turned into few more classes. Then a writer’s group. I’m now working on what I tell people is the second draft of my manuscript, but if I’m being honest, it’s more like the fourth (fifth?) draft.

This is embarrassing to admit, but I careen back and forth at least once a week between thinking the manuscript is a steaming pile of garbage that I should give up on immediately, and thinking it’s the best thing since sliced bread. Today, I’m in a steaming pile of shit frame of mind.

Since you asked, my strategy for writing is to block off 30 minutes to write every morning, after my workout and before I start work. I used to try to write before bed, but the one problem was that it didn’t happen. With the morning strategy, it’s extremely rare that I don’t get my 30 minutes in. I often spend some time in the afternoons or evenings on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. I find that I need a good chunk of time to really think critically about plot and character, so the 30 minute sessions don’t cut it for that. I also take time on the weekends to prepare a 4000 word submission for my writer’s group and to critique other members’ submissions (there are three of us in the group, and we each submit 4000 words for critique each week). I know there’s no one-size-fits-all solution with respect to writing strategies, but this is what I’ve found to work for me. Something else worth mentioning is that I treat it like a job. I force myself to work on my novel at least once a day, even if I don’t think I can bear to open the word document without vomiting all over my computer. I don’t know if this is the right strategy, but it’s a strategy.

I’m now far enough into the thick of things that I find myself craving any and all information and discussion about writing novels. I’ve been gravitating towards writing-related books and podcasts, and I recently discovered a lovely podcast called Ctrl + Alt + Delete. The host, Emma Gannon, doesn’t know it yet, but I’m pretty sure we are destined to be best friends. I mean, it would be a relatively parasitic friendship, as I don’t think she’d actually gain anything, being way cooler and way more exciting than me. And also, I don’t have a glorious British accent like she does. But I digress. If you are not familiar, I highly recommend Ctrl + Alt +Delete, which isn’t solely a writing podcast (generally, it’s a female-focused podcast about creating a professional life that works for you), but many of the episodes feature interviews with fiction writers.

Today, I wanted to share my love for a recent from a recent Ctrl + Alt + Delete episode which features an interview with author Ann Napolitano.

Full disclosure: I haven’t read any of Anne’s work (yet), but her just-out third novel, Dear Edward, is a critically acclaimed New York Times Bestseller. As she shares on the podcast episode, the path to getting this novel into the world was squiggly and strenuous.

Anne wrote her first novel while getting her MFA, and it was rejected more than 80 times. That’s right: 80! She eventually tabled the novel completely, and started working on a second book. Then, she tabled that book, and wrote her third novel (Within Arm’s Reach), which ended up being the first of her published novels.

Anne’s story made me think about a few things. First, however horrifying it might feel after all the time and effort I’ve put in, there’s a good chance that the novel I’m writing will never see the light of day. Second, as an aspiring writer, things (rejection) will go easier if you can find joy in the writing process (which I fortunately do), not just the possibility of getting published. Third, I should try to focus on my novel (even if it fails to become anything) as a learning process, and a stepping stone towards my goals. This process has already turned me into a far better writer than I was, so that’s a win already.

Another thing I enjoyed about the podcast episode (yes, I’m still talking about that…I realize you probably could have listened to the episode already) was Anne’s discussion of her meandering writing style. She identifies not as a ‘plotter’ but as a ‘pantser’ (although I prefer to use Neil Gaiman’s euphemism of ‘gardener’ myself) and has taken 8 years to finish her last two books. She reports having “written 400-page tangents and then cut them” for her second novel. To put things in context, my complete novel comes in a just under 400 (double-spaced) pages. When writing Dear Edward, Anne says that her husband strongly suggested that she take a year to plot and research and plan, while not permitting herself to actually write the story. She followed his advice and said it helped her immensely when she actually did start writing. This was interesting to me. Often, writing classes and articles will advise aspiring writers to ‘just write’ and to ‘write anything’…and while I think this is important, as someone who has no problem sitting down and vomiting words on the page, I think I would have benefited from a lot more planning before starting to write my novel. Case in point: my novel is around 115,000 words. For my genre (Young Adult), I need to get it down to 85,000 words, and I’m having trouble figuring out what can go and what has to stay. The two others in my writer’s group (also working on their first novels) are ‘planners’ and neither has much to fix on the back end (so to speak) now that they’ve finished their first drafts. I’ve learned that I should be zooming out on my plot/overarching picture/throughlines every few weeks, or my writing will take me bushwhacking through some weird-ass territory that is completely unrelated to the story.

Finally, when Anne is asked how she decides which stories need to be told, she tells her students to pay attention to their obsessions. I’ve been doing a lot of reading around what makes successful people successful (in life, not just writing), and her advice completely jives with what I’ve learned. This article by Paul Graham on the ‘bus ticket collector theory of genius’ is a great read if you’re interested in delving into this idea further. Hearing this from a successful author was a great reminder to follow my curiosities, and not feel guilty about it.

My three quick take-aways from this podcast episode:

  • Don’t forget that the only way out is through. Don’t get too attached to your first book, and think of it not as a failure but as a learning exercise that is going to make all your future writing better.
  • If you’re a pantser gardener, consider blocking off time to zoom out and plan/plot/research periodically.
  • Pay attention to your obsessions, and follow them.

Have a wonderful weekend!

The kindness of strangers (mundane pleasures)

I’m trying a new thing where I post every Wednesday about something mundane that delighted me this week. Call it part of my gratitude experiments.

Last night, as I stood in the Starbucks line on my way to my writer’s group, with smudged mascara and a pimple larger than the Hellas Planitia crater on my cheek, another woman approached and told me she loved my outfit. I couldn’t stop beaming for the next half hour. A reminder to just tell people what you think…especially when it’s something nice!

Even better, last weekend as I was running into Safeway, I witnessed a woman handing a sandwich to a man who was standing outside the grocery store and asking for change. “I don’t have cash on me, but I brought you this,” she said, giving him a small smile. A reminder of how lovely small gestures can be.

Happy Wednesday!

 

Crispy chickpeas and mind-reading (weekly recap)

This was a bit of a catch-up week for me after being away at that conference last week.

Also, I started a weekly literary writing class on Thursday night, and I am excited, but completely out of my element! I would by no means call my work literary (it’s firmly in the Young Adult/New Adult camp), but I took a class in 2019 with the same instructor, and even though it hurt my brain immensely, I learned a lot. I’m looking forward to picking up some inspiration for my novel, while squeezing and wringing out my atrophied literary muscles.

My Mundane Pleasure this week was not rushing in to work on Friday morning. I had the opportunity to go into the office a little late (I know not everyone has this flexibility and I am extremely grateful). I tend to get worked up about being in the office before everyone else (because I usually write for 30 minutes before work), getting a parking spot, etc. But on Friday, I consciously decided not to worry about that stuff, and instead luxuriously blowdried my hair at the gym, went to a coffee shop and wrote for an hour with my favourite raisin bran muffin and an americano. When I rolled up at work a little after 9, I found myself much more relaxed than usual and ready to jump into my first research priority of the day. I even found a parking spot on the second level of the parkade!

Another highlight was dinner out with my husband on Valentine’s Day at this restaurant. We rarely celebrate Valentine’s, but it felt nice to put something other than a sweatshirt on and go out for a nice dinner in the middle of winter. And also, cauliflower curry with garlic naan.

Finally, I made these Crispy Chickpeas in Spicy Brown Butter (NYT Cooking) along with a yogurt tahini sauce and served them over rice and greens with some roast carrots. Easy and delicious, if a bit of a calorie bomb when you factor in all of that butter!

Three things I’m thinking about right now:

  • This avocado-banana toast. I think I’m going to give it a go. Possibly even this week. I love banana toast (usually with peanut butter, sometimes with a roast sweet potato as a base rather than bread) and also enjoy avocado toast. What could ever go wrong?
  • I listened to an episode of Happier with Gretchen Rubin this week, in which she recommended not trying to “mind-read” (i.e. making up narratives in our heads about what other people are thinking). For me, this was a great reminder of Brené Brown’s work about how our brains automatically want to make up stories about what other people are thinking (discussed in Brené’s TED Talk here). Even though I know not to, I do this all the time in my relationships. I might need to put a post-it note on my computer that says ‘The story I’m telling myself…’
  • Is four hours the optimal amount of creative and deep thinking work to do in a day? In practice, I generally find that my creativity and interest wane after about 3-4 hours, but I often find myself pushing past that, especially if I know that I won’t have another good chunk of time to devote to creative work for a long time. Would I be more productive if I did limit my creativity time to four hours a day? Possibly worth a trial…once life settles down (ha)!

Have a lovely week!

 

A relationship trick (conversation fodder)

I was thrilled when I looked at my Podcast queue last weekend and saw that the most recent episode of the Tim Ferriss Show was an interview with shame researcher, vulnerability guru, and all around badass Brené Brown. I savoured every moment of the interview, but what resonated with me the most was Brené and Tim’s conversation about a trick that both of them use to keep their relationships with their partners on track.

I’m paraphrasing here, but both of them schedule time with their partners (on a weekly-ish basis) to discuss what is working well in the relationship, what might not be working, and what they would like to see more of. Because they carve out a safe space for this discussion, they’re able to give and respond to constructive criticism without getting worked up into an argument, and also able to identify patterns and trends.

My husband and I instilled a weekly(ish) date night last year. Basically, we take turns picking an activity once a week. The planner controls pretty much all aspects of the date. He took me to Shakespeare in the Park, and I forced him to go took him to a spin class. Some nights it’s just as simple as trying out a new recipe, or cooking some sort of halloumi cheese (because everything is better with halloumi cheese) dish at home. It’s a nice opportunity for us to connect, and often do things together that we wouldn’t necessarily do together otherwise. However, we don’t do a lot of scheduled conversations about the state of our marriage, and as two people who still have a lot to learn about communication, I think the idea of a marriage meeting with specific talking points would be helpful for us. Specifically, I’m very bad at telling him the things I appreciate about him (even though there are so many). We’re going to try and integrate these conversations into our date nights and see how it goes.

Highly recommend listening to the podcast episode for more great pearls of wisdom from Brené, as well as her losing her shit about a TikTok joke about baby goats and matter babies. I’m not sure which was more hilarious…the joke itself or Brené’s totally unscripted hysterical laughter. I love it when people I so admire remind me that they’re human.